Tell Mama
by she.a.punk
Summary: It's been a week since Jennifer told Ronon she was interested in someone else and Ronon is reunited with someone he didn't think was still alive, let alone still had advice to give him. But the most surprising thing is the wisdom she has to impart to Jennifer Keller herself. Rononcentric Angst, John and Teyla Friendship and some R/K angst for good measure.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I decided to tackle Jennifer's decision of Rodney over Ronon. This time I'm giving the Big guy a little someone different to confide in. -Punk**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or The Civil Wars**

_You thought you'd found a good girl  
One to love you and give you the world  
Now you find that you've been misused  
Talk to me, I'll do what you choose, I want you to_

_Tell Mama, all about it  
Tell Mama, what you need  
Tell Mama, what you want  
And I'll make everything alright_

_Tell Mama – __The Civil Wars_

* * *

Ronon looked around the marketplace, bored. He was always bored during these types of information gathering missions.

He'd jumped at the chance to come on the mission when Sheppard came to him, but now he was cursing his own cabin fever. He'd needed fresh air and room to stretch his legs. Needed time away from Atlantis. From the people.

Person.

No...people. And 'jumped' probably wasn't the right word either.

_"__Hey, Ronon." _

_Ronon glanced over his shoulder and saw Sheppard jogging to catch up to him in the hall outside the gym. _

_"__We got a lead on an information trader on MGX-854. He might know about some ZPMs, you want to go check it out?" _

_Yes, he did, and he opened his mouth to say so, but hesitated. It had only been a week since that extremely awkward conversation with Jennifer where she'd told him he was a complete idiot and of course she was interested in someone else. _

_She hadn't said that, but that was what he'd heard. _

_Ever since he'd been avoiding the infirmary like the plague. Even holding back when sparring a little, not wanting to not injure himself and be forced to go. _

_But that wasn't all he'd been avoiding. He'd also avoided the lab level, not wanting to risk running into Rodney. He'd gone so far as to start eating at the busiest times because he knew Rodney avoided the Mess when it was crowded. _

_He was being selfish. And a coward, he knew. But the wound was still open and raw and he didn't really care about how it looked yet. _

_"__I don't know." He said finally at John's expectant look. He wasnt ready to face Rodney on a mission where, without threat of battle, Rodney was likely to do a lot of talking. About food and science and his new love life._

_John's eyebrows stitched together and he bit his lip. "Okay." He started to walk away and Ronon didn't move, feeling just the slightest bit guilty that he was letting personal feelings get in the way of his duty. _

_"__Well if you decide to come," John turned back around, pinning Ronon with a gaze that was more insightful than he expected. "We're going to be in the gateroom in half an hour. It's just me and Teyla. Rodney has more important things to do, I guess." _

_He shrugged one shoulder and Ronon watched John's back as he left, realizing he was not as good at hiding things as he used to be. _

_A half an hour later, he was waiting in the gate room when John and Teyla showed up_.

"Well, that actually wen't pretty well." John commented, looking pleased.

"Yes. Five gate addresses with possible ZPMs for five medical kits is more than fair." Teyla smiled back at him.

Ronon didn't turn to look at them. Toward the edge of the village square he'd seen something. A flash of grey hair and high cheekbones. For an instant something deep inside him stirred.

"Ronon?" Teyla followed the taller man's narrowed gaze and surveyed the busy marketplace, but saw nothing.

Ronon's eyes remained fixed on a point in the distance, a confused, slightly suspicious frown marring his brow.

John's gaze connected with Teyla's and he shifted toward the Satedan, surveying the crowd with more purpose than before, trying to pinpoint what it was that had suddenly made Ronon so tense.

"Buddy, whats going on? You see something?"

Ronon shook his head once. "I don't know."

Then, without another word, he began weaving his way through the crowd toward the end of the square. John nodded at Teyla who immediately moved to follow, he took some comfort in the fact that Ronon's blaster was still firmly in place in it's holster, but his gut was still doing preemptive flip-flops.

Up ahead Ronon had again caught sight of the grey hair he'd seen. It was nearly waist length and partially pinned up onto her head with an intricate combination of braids that twisted and sat on top of her crown in a fashion he hadn't seen in years.

He tilted his head, catching a glimpse of the older woman's profile just before she disappeared into a small house at the end of the lane.

The wide market square narrowed into a cobbled path and small one story houses with thatched roofs lining either side. The din of talking and laughter in the marketplace faded behind them, this lane was empty and quiet as it was rarely used except by the handful of people who lived there.

Ronon stopped outside the arched wooden door the woman had gone through. Before he could fully think it through, he raised a hand and knocked on the door.

Behind and to his left, Teyla raised an eyebrow, meeting John's eyes briefly just as the door was opened.

"Hello?" A young woman of no more than twenty pulled the door open partway, eyeing the strangers with uncertainty. "Can I help you?"

Ronon cleared his throat, suddenly uncertain. He hadn't gone to the wrong door, had he?

"I'm um, I was looking for..." He trailed off as the girl shifted her weight and a piece of jewelry she wore on a leather cord around her neck slid into view. He narrowed his eyes.

"Are you Satedan?"

The girl's hand went to her necklace and locks of dark brown hair fell forward when she glanced down at it.

"Yes." She played with the gemstone thoughtfully, her eyes falling to the tattoo on his neck. "You are too?"

Ronon licked his lips, nodding. His heart rate quickened just a little, as it always did when they stumbled upon people from his home-world. It happened so rarely, he was startled and excited every time.

"I um, I thought I saw someone before." He tilted his head, "Is there someone else here? Someone...older?" He realized how awkward that must have sounded and the girl's eyebrows came together in confusion. He was saved from having to clarify by the sound of another voice from deeper inside the house.

"Siria?" A female voice called from inside. "Siria, who's at the door?"

The young woman turned to face inside the house.

"I don't know." She looked back at Ronon, then Teyla and John. "But they are with a Satedan. He's a Specialist."

Ronon shifted his weight, standing a little bit taller at having been referred to by his title.

"A Satedan." The voice repeated, getting closer to the door. "A Satedan Specialist?"

Siria stepped back and opened the door further to make room for the person attached to the voice. A tall woman of about sixty ducked through the short arched doorway to enter the bright sunlight of the cobbled alley. Up close Ronon could see for sure now that her grey hair was braided and pinned on top of her head in a traditional Satedan style. She wore the clothes of the people of this world, with a similar piece of Satedan jewelry hanging from her neck.

The woman faced John and Teyla, not having noticed Ronon standing to one side of the doorway.

"You are not Satedan." She frowned, creasing deep wrinkles in her tanned skin that showed her age, framing flashing green eyes that didn't.

John opened his mouth to quip an answer but Teyla stepped forward, smiling politely.

"No, we are not, but perhaps you know our friend?" She gestured over the woman's shoulder toward Ronon.

The moment she turned around Ronon's heart froze in his chest and his mouth fell open. Equally startled, the older woman gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

Alarmed, Siria stepped forward, placing a worried hand on her shoulder.

"What is it?"

The woman ignored her, her eyes still locked on Ronon, who was frowning, his eyes roaming her face in confusion.

"Ronon?" The woman whispered.

"But you're dead." He rasped, wondering why it was after all this time his eyes had finally decided to betray him.

She reached forward, her hand trembling just slightly as she tried to touch his cheek. Ronon jerked backward out of her reach. Almost as afraid that she would be real as he was that she would turn out to be a figment if his imagination. If she didn't touch him he could live in limbo a little bit longer.

At Ronon's sudden motion Sheppard tensed his hands on his weapon.

"Ronon, who is this?" He asked warily.

Ronon shook his head minutely, still trying to process what he was seeing.

"A ghost." He ground out, searching the green eyes that bored into his own. Eyes that were burned in his memory so well it physically ached sometimes when he caught sight of them in the mirror.

The woman straightened at that, indignant. Then, in a flash of movement no one quite expected, her open palm darted forward and slapped him.

"Hey!" Sheppard and Teyal both stepped forward.

Ronon hadn't moved except for the way his eyebrows shot up in surprise, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He touched his cheek.

Unbothered by the armed strangers at her back, the woman glowered at Ronon, waggling a long, elegant, bony finger in his face.

"I taught you better than that Ronon'kaffa Dex."

Like a light switch, Ronon's entire demeanor changed. His face split into one of those staggering grins and he leapt forward, wrapping his long arms around the woman in a bear hug with such force he briefly lifted her off the ground.

The woman exclaimed and laughed, hugging him back ferociously, a few happy tears slipping down her cheeks.

Ronon laughed, twirling in a circle, eyes screwed shut against an onslaught of emotion.

Johns glanced at Siria, but the girl looked as cautiously amused as he felt.

"Camaiya? Who is this man?" She questioned after the two had begun to calm down.

The older woman, having been placed back on her feet, wiped a tear from the corner of her eyes.

"Siria, this is Ronon. Ronon, Siria."

Ronon barely nodded in the young woman's direction, instead opting to wave Teyla and John closer.

"This is my team. Teyla, John, meet Camaiya Dex." He beamed down at the woman beside him. "My mother."

_TBC_


	2. Chapter 2

"I still can't believe it." Ronon leaned his elbows on the table, hand wrapped loosely around a tin mug of the juice of a native plant that was pleasantly sour on his tounge. His eyes tracked his mother's face as she moved about the space, back and forth to the counter bringing baked goods and refilling cups, Siria's cautious gaze stayed on her the whole time.

His mother turned a warm smile on him.

"There is no better _Shuckta_ to the Wraith than to survive, little one." She teased. Ronon laughed out loud at the curse and Siria hissed her name in reproof.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow at Teyla's colored cheeks and smiled. At least he knew he wasn't the only bad influence Ronon had ever had.

"How did you come to be on this planet?" Teyla spoke up over John's coughed laughter.

"We wandered through the ring for a few years, searching out survivors from Sateda. But most did not settle in the same place, they scattered throughout the galaxy. I was able to get a good price for this lodging and we have been here for 7 seasons now."

Camaiya rose from the table to go to the counter again, followed closely by Siria who whispered something to her, a disapproving look on her face. Camaiya waved her off and allowed the young woman to take the container she'd retrieved from her and returned to the table.

Ronon frowned at the interaction and John and Teyla exchanged a glance.

"Something wrong?"

Camaiya turned a tired smile to him. "Nothing. Siria worries I will tire myself too much."

"You tire easily recently, Cam." The young woman chided, placing the container of spread in the middle of the table.

"Hush Siria." The older woman shushed her. But Ronon didn't miss the way her eyes fell closed briefly in relief when she sat down. Or how her hands trembled slightly when she pushed an errant lock of hair up into her bun.

"What's wrong?" He directed his question to Siria but his mother was the one who answered.

"Nothing," she repeated. "I did not sleep well last night. That is all. Now tell me." She reached over to take Ronon's hand. "How is it you came to escape the Wraith?"

Ronon sighed, glancing at John quickly.

"After my unit was killed I went to the hospital for Melena," He broke off and shook his head and his mother's eyes softened. She squeezed his hand. Aware of his teammate's eyes on him, he continued, turning his hand over to grasp his mother's fingers. "I was culled. But I was able to escape." He explained simply. He heard Teyla and John shifting, but knew neither of them would say anything. It wasn't difficult to understand why he wouldn't want his mother to know he'd been made a Runner.

Camaiya nodded, accepting his answer.

"Whatever roads you have traveled these past nine years, I am glad one of them returned you to me." She smiled.

Siria rejoined them at the table and Ronon glanced at her.

"What about you two? How did you survive?"

Camaiya made a motion for Siria to explain and she wrapped both hands around her cup to sip her tea.

"I was not yet in my tenth year." Siria began. "I had been out playing in the fields when the alarms sounded. My parents had taught me the way to the caverns at the base of the hills at the edge of the village. When I got there I was all alone. After a while a few more people arrived. Camaiya was one of them." She nodded toward the older woman. "My parents didn't survive the attack, Camaiya took me in."

Ronon took a deep breath, preparing to ask the question that had been niggling at the back of his mind since he'd gone inside and realized the two women were the only occupants.

"Neara?" He asked quietly studying the grain of the wood table in front of him. "Fairan?"

Teyla's heart broke at the hopeful, fearful undercurrent of his words. She knew from a single whispered conversation they'd had in the infirmary, half drugged and recovering from injuries, that the names Ronon uttered belonged to his sisters. She watched as the older woman slowly withdrew her hand from her son's and folded them in her lap.

"They were at the university." She admitted. "There were no survivors from that part of the city."

Ronon only nodded. In a strange way, it made him feel a little bit better. Unrequited hope was worse, he'd found, than just knowing the truth.

The silence that descended was heavy and awkward and John shifted uncomfortably. He caught Teyla's gaze and then moved to stand.

"Listen, I'm sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do, maybe we should be going."

"No, no, please stay. Don't let the sadness of an old woman drive you out," Camaiya looked up with another smile, though it didn't reach her eyes. "In fact, I'm feeling a bit tired, I think I'll go lie down for a while. Please stay, you are most welcome."

She stood and took a few steps toward one of the heavy wooden doors along the back wall, when her legs suddenly wobbled and began to crumble beneath her.

"Camaiya!" Siria jumped up and Teyla and John both lunged forward but Ronon was faster and closer. He grasped his mother's arm and waist, pulling her against him for support so that she didn't stumble.

"Mai, what's wrong?" He said, the endearment slipping out unnoticed.

In an instant Siria was on her other side, helping to steady her on her feet.

"I'm fine, Ronon. I'm fine." She assured him. But Ronon didn't believe her. She'd gone pale and her muscles were trembling violently under his hands. "Just help me to my room so I can get some rest."

John stared after the trio as they slowly made their way into one of the bedrooms, his lips pressed into a grim line.

"She's not just tired." He said quietly, once they'd closed the door behind them.

"No," Teyla said, glancing at him and then looking back at the door, "I do not believe so either."

A few minutes later Ronon and Siria reemerged from the bedroom.

"What's wrong with her?" Ronon growled as soon as Siria had closed the door to his mother's room.

Siria sighed, shaking her head.

"I am not sure. We have visited all the doctors on this world and none of them can do anything but tell her to rest more. I want to try to find better healers on other worlds but she refuses to go with me." She folded her arms over her bodice, glaring at the door. Her anger clearly born of frustration and worry. She turned to Ronon as if an idea had just occurred to her. "But perhaps you could convince her? She may listen to you."

John stepped forward, chewing his lip. "That may not be necessary." He looked from Ronon to Siria. "We know some of the best doctors around, we could go and ask one of them to come see her."

Siria jumped forward and grabbed John's forearm with a rush of girlish enthusiasm.

"Could you? Please? We would be forever grateful!"

"Thats great." John smiled and pried her fingers off him.

Teyla dipped her chin politely and followed John to the door.

"Sheppard."

John turned around, slipping on his sunglasses. Ronon was looking at the floor thoughtfully, arms crossed over his chest.

"Ask Keller." He looked up when his CO didn't immediately reply and shrugged. "She's the best."

John bit his lip and nodded.

"We'll be back asap."

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

"Mai?"

Ronon quietly entered the dimly lit bedroom. It had a single window that faced the building next door and was lit only by the lantern on the small side table. His mother laid on top of the covers on her side. She opened her eyes immediately, though he knew she would have done that whether or not she was sleeping when he spoke.

He felt a little guilty disturbing her, but also couldn't seem to bring himself to stay in the other room when he knew his mother, his lifegiver, back to life after almost a decade being dead inside his mind, was in just the next room.

He gingerly sat on the bed beside her.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'll be alright, little one." She said, her eyes drifting closed again.

There was a sinking in his stomach that disagreed with her but he didn't say so.

"I've asked Sheppard and Teyla to bring a doctor back from the city."

Her eyes popped open and she turned to pin him with a more straight on glare. "No. No more doctors."

He frowned at her stubbornness.

"You don't understand. These are the best doctors in the galaxy."

"I don't care. I won't be poked and prodded anymore."

Ronon sighed, reigning in his temper, remembering with some rue that his mother was where he got that temper. He sighed, deciding to try a different tactic.

"You would refuse help from the people who removed a tracker from your only son's back?"

Camaiya's eyebrows drew together.

"What are you…" She trailed off, suddenly putting together the small bits and pieces Ronon had let slip over lunch. Her hand moved to cup his cheek. "A Runner?"

Ronon grit his teeth.

"They saved me." He rasped, emotions he hadn't expected choking up his throat. He reached up to hold her palm against his cheek. "Please let them help you too."

Camaiya sighed.

"Fine. I will allow it."

"Thank you." He wrapped her fingers in his and kissed the back of her hand.

She smiled, observing him quietly for a few moments.

"Are you ready to tell me what's bothering you?"

Ronon raised an eyebrow.

"All of this isn't enough?" Finding his mother alive on a random planet after all these years of thinking she was dead? Living forever with the knowledge that if he'd been looking at the merchant instead of idly scanning the crowd - if he'd been distracted by the flight of a blackbird from a tree - he could have missed her. Missed this.

It certainly felt like enough. More than.

"No," his mother responded and Ronon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The woman could be impossible. She shifted, getting a better look at him.

"Is it a woman?" She guessed. With Ronon, it often had been. She knew her son was handsome, would have known it even if half the girls in their village hadn't had a seat at her dinner table one time or another when he was in his mid-years. He was taller than other boys, playful and serious in turn and girls seemed to find that compelling. She understood perfectly. His father had been just like that.

She'd honestly been so relieved when Melena came around. She'd settled him, grounded him. Protected the boy while nurturing the man.

"You should get some rest." Ronon laid her hand down on the mattress and move to stand. The abrupt change in topic confirmed to Camaiya that her first guess had been the right one.

"You think I am fooled so easily, Ronon?" She paused, and he stopped, but didn't turn around. "I will not force you to share what you are not ready to. But you have never hesitated to speak your mind to me before."

Ronon inhaled, hunching his shoulders and rolling his neck before he turned around to face her.

"I know."

"So what's changed?"

_Nothing. Everything. _

Instead of responding, Ronon reached for a chair by the door and drew it over to her beside. Straddling it backwards he folded his arms on the back and rested his chin on them.

"What's her name?" Camaiya asked. She thought it was best to start simple.

Ronon paused, knowing there was a possibility Keller would be the one John brought back to tend to his mother. If she agreed to come. If she didn't...well he couldn't really blame her for that.

"She's a doctor." He said instead.

The woman nodded, accepting his unspecific answer.

"Men who know pain are often drawn to those that heal it." She sighed, remembering Ronon's father and the many times he'd returned from battle, bloody and bruised and curled tightly against her chest the whole night through. "Does she know of your feelings?"

Ronon sighed, blinking away the memory of their conversation after returning from the Deadalus.

"She does."

Camaiya waited, watching a war rage on her son's face.

"She said...she wasn't interested in me. There was-" He swallowed, his face burned anew at the remembered humiliation. "That there was someone else."

She sighed. So that was it. That was why her son was so tied up in knots.

Spurned by a potential lover.

"I'm sorry, little one."

Ronon still didn't look at her, choosing instead to stare across the room at a bit of blue sky he could see out the window.

"I hadn't...after Melena." He shook his head. "I didn't think there would ever be anyone else."

"And now you worry that there will never be another chance?"

He frowned at the wall.

Camaiya sighed. "You needn't fear, Ronon. There will always be another opportunity to find love."

Ronon looked at her then, raising an eyebrow. "Like you did?" After his father died Ronon never saw his mother even look in another's direction, despite the difficulty of raising three children on a single woman's salary. He had even occasionally come home from Lessons to find flowers of proposition hanging from the doorknob. Only to find them in the garbage when he went to throw something away later in the evening.

"It was different for myself and your father. We took the old vows, I was not free to receive new interest."

Ronon grunted, knowing it was an excuse, and an old argument he did not care to revive.

Camaiya continued as if she hadn't heard him.

"You were willing to open your heart to this girl?"

"Yes."

"Then you will again. It is only your pride that has been hurt." She continued, "Would you not rather know she is not a match for you before your heart is entwined?"

Ronon swallowed. "Yes but..." He sat up and looked at his hands, he exhaled sharply, frustrated.

"But what, little one?"

Ronon clenched his teeth. "I don't...understand."

"Understand what?" Camaiya's eyebrows drew together watching as Ronon's body language became more tense and frustrated. "How she could spurn you?"

"No!" Ronon barked, shoving up from the chair and began pacing back and forth in the small room. "It's not about my pride, mother. I don't understand what I did wrong. What could I have done better?" He said in a rush, flexing his hands at his sides.

"What you did wrong?" His mother repeated, confusion and then hurt in her tone. "Oh, Ronon you didn't do anything wrong."

He shook his head briskly. He began pacing, the small room only allowed for a few strides in either direction. "She is different. Her people are...I must've done something. I was too harsh, or didn't get enough of their jokes. Sometimes the things they say just don't make any sense. They worry about the silliest things. Maybe she didn't think I took her seriouesly. Or I couldn't keep up with her science stuff. Or...Or maybe," he sighed, coming to a stop at the end of the bed, staring at the wall. "Maybe I was alone so long I don't remember how to be with someone like that anymore." He finished quietly, vulnerability in his voice even Camaiya had rarely heard.

She sighed, unhappy to see her son so unhappy, knowing there was very little she could do to fix it. Broken hearts usually needed to mend themselves.

"You cared for her a great deal." She said finally.

Ronon turned around to face her. He shrugged.

"Doesn't matter now."

"Oh, little one." She sighed, her eyes following him as he moved back to the chair beside the bed. "If she allowed the armor you wear to glint too brightly in the sunlight and blind her to the man you are inside then that is only her loss."

He covered the hand she laid on his forearm with his own.

"Maybe."

"You cannot hold on to that which has taken flight." She recited by rote the ancient Satedan proverb and knew he understood her meaning. "Thank her for the lesson learned and allow her to walk a separate path. The small pieces of your heart that have been broken will be soothed by time and someday another, better woman." Her eyes sparkled at that and Ronon smiled. He understood she meant it more as a compliment to him than a disparagement to Jennifer, and he appreciated it all the more.

He leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you Mai."

Camaiya cupped his cheek again as he leaned back. Her eyes roamed over his face for several moments, comparing the man before her to the boy she'd known more than a decade before.

"It is so good to see you, Ronon."

He smiled, nodding. "You too. But I should let you rest."

A throat cleared behind him and Ronon turned to see Jennifer leaning through the door.

"I'm sorry to interrupt." She glanced over her shoulder, "John said it was urgent?"

She watched Ronon stand, her cheeks already coloring at having interrupted an intimate family moment, and she noted with interest that even after he stood he kept his mother's hand in his.

"Thanks for coming," he said quietly. He turned to look at the woman in the bed, "Mother, this is Jennifer Keller. She's the best. I don't want you to give her a hard time, okay?"

Jennifer smiled at the woman's raised eyebrow.

"I'll behave, Ronon." She said with a tolerant smile.

"Somehow I doubt that." Ronon bent over to quickly kiss her cheek again before leaving the room. Without a word or another glance in her direction Jennifer watched Ronon slip out the door and it clicked softly when he closed it.

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello, Camaiya, is it?" Jennifer approached the bed with a friendly smile. She turned the chair Ronon had been using the right way around and sat, pulling her medical kit onto her lap.

"Yes." The woman replied simply, but not unkindly. She made no move to offer any other information.

Jennifer smiled tightly. Ronon was always a difficult patient, now it seemed he came by it honestly.

"Are you able to sit up for me?"

With a sigh, Camaiya did as she was asked. She stiffened when she felt the cold stethoscope pressed against her back.

"Sorry," Jen pulled the earpieces out of her ears and began her physical examination. "So you've been experiencing some fatigue? Anything else?"

The older woman hesitated, but remembering her promise to Ronon, she spoke up.

"Some pain," she conceded. "I seem to be tired all the time."

Jennifer hmm'd in response, focusing on her examination. She asked a few more questions about family history and more specifics on her symptoms and Camaiya answered concisely.

"You are friends with my son?" She asked when Jennifer began rummaging in her bag for the mobile medical scanner she'd brought.

"Um, yes. We are." She said, keeping her eyes on the device, hoping it made her look busy. Jennifer decided it wasn't exactly a lie since it had only been just over a week since Ronon stopped speaking to her. She didn't know for sure he was avoiding her, of course. But…that's what it felt like.

"It's strange, after more than a decade he is all at once a boy I've always known and a man I don't know at all." Camaiya said, sounding tired and wistful. "Tell me about him?"

"Oh, I don't...I dont really know," Jennifer started to shake her head, lifting the scanner to move over her body. She trailed off and pursed her lips, feeling Camaiya's intense gaze on her skin. She sighed.

"He's…very strong. Never complains. Never sits still when there's work to be done." She began, searching her memory for moment's she'd spent with Ronon, wanting to say things a mother would want to hear. Camaiya's expression softened and she watched the younger woman intently.

"He's…fiercely loyal." Jennifer continued, "And much smarter than people give him credit for." She nodded, remembering being in several briefings with SGA1 where Ronon had had more to contribute than anyone expected. "He has this way of looking at you like you're the only person in the room. He's very serious, but he can be funny. His smile…you don't see it very often but when you do it's sort of…dazzling." Jen realized she'd gone on much longer than she'd intended and Cam was staring at her with clear, green, insightful eyes. Embarrassed, she cleared her throat and went back to the scanner, a blush creeping into her cheeks. "He can have a short temper. He…doesn't talk much…sometimes you don't quite know where you stand with him." She finished, trying to backtrack on some of what could have arguably been called gushing. Anyway, those things were true too.

"The temper he gets from me, unfortunately. The quiet nature, from his father." Camaiya snorted. She hesitated and then continued carefully, "What about women?"

Jennifer's blush deepend and she shook her head.

"Oh, we're not…um…I mean. I'm seeing someone. So…"

Camaiya just stared at her and Jennifer realized she had probably just been curious. She hadn't meant her. Why would she? She couldn't imagine Ronon sharing something like that with her after all this time.

"Um, I don't…." She shrugged. "I don't know."

Camiaya was quiet for a few more minutes, staring at the ceiling as Jennifer continued her scanning. "He is nursing something of a broken heart." She said, thoughtfully.

Jennifer paused. "He is?"

She nodded. "You spoke of his loyalty. I'm glad that has lived on in him. There was never a shortage of attractive young girls at our dinner table when he was younger. But once he set eyes on Melena, it was as if no other woman existed in the galaxy."

Jennifer didn't doubt it. And the idea of being the subject of that kind of single minded focus, Ronon's steady intensity, it made Jennifer shiver.

"It seems his heart has been twice broken," Camiaya frowned, remembering how restless and unhappy Ronon had sounded when he spoke to her. "I hope it can be mended someday. That he can open up a third time."

"Yeah." Jennifer stared at the wall behind the bed, considering. She hadn't really thought of Ronon this way before. He'd always seemed so strong. So stoic. She hadn't considered he could be hurt like that. It made her feel uncomfortable and guilty to think she might have been the cause of that kind of pain in the man.

"Are you finished with your examination?"

"Oh...not yet." Jennifer blinked and turned back to the scanner and they sat in silence for a few minutes as the scan finished.

When it chirped happily that the scan was finished, Jennifer's stomach dropped to her feet upon seeing the results. She wasn't surprised, she'd started creating a prognosis during her physical exam and the signs all pointed in one direction. But still…she'd thought maybe she was jumping to conclusions. Maybe the ancient devices at her disposal would give her an edge she wouldn't normally have. Or tell her her gut was wrong.

"It's not good news." Camaiya stared at her, expecting. It wasn't a question.

"You know, this handheld scanner is relatively limited," Jennifer smiled comfortingly. She knew it was probably too late. Inoperable. Still, she felt compelled to give hope. "I have better equipment back in my infirmary. If you came back with me I could…"

She trailed off when Camiaya tilted her head at her and reached over to grasp one of her hands where they were twisting tightly in her lap.

Jen swallowed and looked down. Tanned, wrinkled hands wrapped around her cold pale fingers, steady and warm. Strangely familiar.

"There is nothing you can do, is there?"

Jennifer wanted to shake her head. There was plenty they could do. They could try. They could always try.

And if nothing else she could make her comfortable. Give them a few more days. Weeks maybe.

But when she raised her eyes again to look into the older woman's face, she was struck by the ferocity there. The green eyes that didn't blink in the face of death were sharp and clear. Not cloudy with pain medication. Not shadowed with fear. The warm hand that wrapped around her own wasn't weak from lack of use, scarred from repeated blood draws and IV pokes.

She knew then, she wouldn't want to die that way. To Camaiya, a few more weeks in that state would not be worth the trade of meeting death head on, probably the same way she'd faced life.

"...No." Jennifer licked her lips. "There isn't."

Camaiya released her hands and nodded. She laid down on the bed and sighed, letting her eyes fall closed.

"Um…do you want me to…tell them? Or did you want to?"

Camiaya spoke without opening her eyes. "He will try to convince me to go with you. But my desire is to live out my final days in my home."

Jen nodded, swallowing. Hoping that someday, when the time came, she could face her last days with a fraction of this woman's grace.

"I'll tell them. Him. You just get some rest."

Camaiya thanked her and turned to her side, facing away from Jennifer toward the wall. Jennifer took extra care packing up her equipment, needing extra time to process all that had been said.

All that had yet to be said.

"Camaiya?" Jennifer paused at the door. The woman turned to look at her over her shoulder. "It was really nice to meet you."

Green eyes smiled at her. "And you as well, Jennifer Keller."

SGASGASGA

When Jennifer emerged from Camaiya's bedroom John, Teyla and Ronon immediately stopped talking and stood to meet her, joined quickly by Siria from the kitchen.

"She's resting." Jennifer sighed and then, meeting Ronon's intense gaze, she angled her head toward the privacy of the kitchen. "Would you come with me?"

He shook his head quickly. "Anything you say they can hear." Ronon was a private man but knew if they didn't hear the prognosis from Jen they were going to ask him about it eventually anyway. This way he would be saved from having to repeat what Ronon was becoming more and more concerned was going to be bad news.

Jen pursed her lips, not altogether surprised. She glanced quickly at Siria. The young woman stood to her side, biting her lip and wringing her hands nervously.

"Um, are you..."

"She's family." Ronon anticipated her question and cut it off with a note of finality.

Again, Jennifer nodded. She took a deep breath.

"Well I found a few lumps in her lymph nodes during my examination," she swallowed, avoiding Ronon's gaze. John's severe expression contrasted starkly with Teyla, Ronon and Siria's concerned but bemused faces. Being that he was the only one from Earth, it made sense he was the only one to anticipate what was coming.

"I confirmed it with my scanner." She continued quietly. "Cancer."

"Can you do anything for her?" Ronon asked quickly, rather than seeking clarification of what the word meant. John's muttered curse beside him told him all he needed to know.

Jennifer looked anguished as she shook her head.

"I can make her comfortable. I'm sorry. It's gone too long being untreated."

Ronon's reaction was immediate, his movements so sudden that Jennifer jumped slightly when he spun around and strode to the door in a few steps, whipping it open and slamming it shut behind him.

Immediately Teyla moved to follow but John's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Give him a minute."

"What does it mean? Cancer?" Siria asked, looking to each of the strangers in turn.

Jennifer took the young woman by the arm and carefully guided her to the seating near the unlit fireplace, explaining in low tones as best she could what the diagnosis meant and how long she thought the older woman might have left. By the time she finished Siria was staring at her hands in her lap.

"Are you alright?" Jennifer moved to lay a hand on her arm.

Siria nodded, then inhaled sharply, moving to stand.

"Excuse me," she muttered, her voice thick, and quickly disappeared behind the other door off the main room.

Jennifer sighed, watching her go.

"I hate having to give that kind of news."

"I'm kind of wishing we hadn't come here." John murmured, pacing back and forth, pausing in front of the window where he could see Ronon standing stone still at the end of the lane staring at nothing.

Teyla sighed and sank to the seat Siria had vacated.

"I agree this has not been the reunion I had hoped it would be for Ronon."

"He seems to have really bad luck with those." John muttered, running a hand over his face and into his hair.

Teyla and Jennifer glanced at each other and nodded, each remembering, as John was, how terribly Ronon's reunion with Tyre, Ara and Rikai had gone.

"_Woolsey to Colonel Sheppard._" Radios sounded in all three of their ears.

"This is Sheppard."

"_Colonel I apologize the interruption. I require your presence as soon as possible. And if you could bring along Ms. Emmagen that would be most helpful._"

Sheppard frowned, looking at the two women standing nearby. "Is there a problem?"

There was silence filled with the standard white noise that always accompanied radio transmissions through the wormhole before Woolsey responded. "_Not yet_."

"We'll be there shortly. Sheppard out."

Sheppard sighed and Teyla met his concerned gaze.

"He should not be alone," she said quietly, though Jennifer heard her plainly.

"I'll stay." Jennifer said, smiling tightly, "I should probably be here to check up on Camaiya anyway."

"Thanks Doc." John said, smiling like he knew how difficult the next few hours would be for her.

_TBC_


	5. Chapter 5

When Ronon emerged from Camaiya's bedroom later that evening the sun had been down for hours and Jennifer was curled up on their small sofa in front of the fire, holding a cup of tea in increasingly lax fingers as she dozed.

She sat up with a startled squeak when the door clicked shut and she cursed quietly at the tea she spilled on her uniform.

"Sorry." Ronon muttered. He took a seat on the floor near the fire, staring unseeing into the flames with his back to her.

Jennifer fussed over her uniform for a moment and set the tea aside. She pressed her hands between her knees and followed Ronon's gaze, wondering how it was that he seemed to fill a room so much more than other people.

Finding the silence too awkward, she cleared her throat.

"Hows she doing?"

Ronon was quiet for a moment before he responded. "She's tired."

"Understandable. I'm sure today was a lot to take in. For both of you." She finished quietly, pulling one leg up under her. When he didn't respond she continued. "I'm sorry."

He turned to look at her, eyebrow raised in question.

"That I couldn't do more." She shrugged one shoulder. "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. First finding out she's alive and now that...that she doesn't have much longer. I'm sorry."

Ronon sighed, returning his gaze to the fire.

"At least this time we get a chance to say goodbye."

Jennifer nodded, biting her lip. It was an optimistic way to look at things. She wasn't sure she'd ever thought of Ronon as 'optimistic' before.

"Listen Ronon um," she shifted, pulling her other leg up into a cross-legged stance. "Maybe this isn't the right time but I um...well I haven't seen you much since...well since the last time we spoke." She swallowed, pushing some hair behind her ears. Ronon's shoulders tensed, so she knew he'd heard her, but otherwise he made no other reaction to her voice. Still, she continued. "I never got a chance to say...I'm sorry...if I hurt you. I wasn't, um...I never wanted to hurt you. And I-"

Ronon suddenly climbed to his feet.

"You're right. This isn't the right time." He moved quickly into the shadows that surrounded the area lit by the fire, heading back to Camaiya's door.

"Oh. Okay." Jennifer whispered, feeling foolish, and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them. She waited, but the click and thud of the door to the bedroom opening and closing again never came. She looked up and after her eyes adjusted to the dark, she could see Ronon's body facing Camaiya's door, one hand resting on the doorknob. Motionless.

"It wasn't your fault." He rumbled finally, so quiet Jennifer almost wondered if she'd imagined it. "I was wrong."

"About me?" Jennifer asked and then winced, both at the indelicacy of the question and anticipating his answer.

"No," he sighed. "About us."

Jennifer's eyebrows knitted together, wondering why that made her a little bit sad.

"What were you...um..." She shook her head, realizing she should quit while she still had some dignity left in tact, and yet still somehow unable to do so. "Why do you say that?"

Ronon sighed again, turning around to face her, but stopping just short of the light of the fire, leaving his face too shrouded in shadow to see his expression.

"It's been a long time." He said after a long silence. "I didn't think I could...feel that way. Anymore."

Jennifer bit her lip, unsure of how to respond.

"Rodney makes you happy." He had his hand shoved into his pockets, his eyes roaming Jennifer's face. "You deserve to be happy. I can accept that I won't be the one to do that."

Jennifer was stunned, and she looked it. She hadn't ever thought to associate 'gracious' with Ronon either.

"Maybe I should thank you." He quirked a smile, remembering his mother's advice to thank her for the lesson and move on. "For helping me see that part of me isn't as dead as I thought it was."

Their eyes held one another for a few moments as Jennifer tried to process what he was saying. Sensing the moment was passing, she rushed through the words she'd been wanting to say for over a week.

"I hope we can still be friends." She waited, hoping for his confirmation that nothing would change. As if it hadn't already.

"I'll never not come if you ask me to." He said instead, and Jennifer's gut twisted at all the words he didn't say.

He turned to leave again and Jennifer was suddenly on her feet.

"Ronon wait." She swallowed hard and he turned to look at her expectantly. She was left wondering what it was that made her stop him. Why she suddenly had the urge to keep him in the room, nearby. To say something.

"I...I didn't know you..." _Were thoughtful. Were gentle. Were gracious. I didn't know. _

"Rodney needs me," she blurted out awkwardly, then continued in a near whisper. "You didn't."

Ronon tilted his head, slowly closing the distance between them. When he was less than a foot away the fire cast flickering light across the planes of his face and the intensity in his eyes made her catch her breath.

"There are different kinds of need, Jennifer." He said quietly. His gaze warmed her from the inside out and he reached up to gently brush a lock of hair behind her ear and she shivered. "I hope you need him as much as he needs you."

He stepped back quickly, putting nothing-more-than-friends distance between them.

"You should get some rest. John and Teyla will be back tomorrow morning." He turned to leave again and Jennifer wrapped her arms around herself, turning to stare into the fire.

"Jennifer?"

She looked up, but he was standing off in the darkness again and she couldn't make out his face.

"Thank you for coming. I needed the best." He paused meaningfully. "I needed you."

This time she heard the soft click when the door opened and closed again as loud as if he'd slammed it shut and she shivered. Despite standing inches from a roaring fire, Jennifer suddenly felt very, very cold.

_TBC_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: This wasn't supposed to be a R/K. I had decided from the beginning it wouldn't be. But it seems the plot bunnies had other ideas, and I was totally blocked on how to end this until I gave in. -Punk**_

Jennifer awakened the next morning to the sound of soft but confused voices from the next room. She sat up on the couch, blinking and rubbing her eyes. Before her the embers from the previous night's fire glowed and crackled in the fireplace. She wondered brefily why she wasn't colder before noticing the thick woolen blanket that was pooled around her waist and still tucked tightly around her legs.

She frowned, rubbing the soft fabric between her thumb and forefingers. She didn't remember falling asleep. And she didn't remember wrapping herself in a blanket either.

A famliar, slightly plaintive voice worked its way into her groggy musings and she turned toward the front door.

"Rodney?"

Siria glanced at her and widened the door opening, a confused frown on her own brow.

"You know this man?"

"Ah! Jennifer!" Rodney smiled and pointed at the girl. "See? I told you I had the right place." He tilted his head. "Although with the way Sheppard gives directions I admit it just as easily could have gone the other way."

Jennifer untangled herself from the blanket and joined the other two at the door, where Siria was nodding to Rodney and he ducked inside.

"What are you doing here? Where's John and Teyla?"

Rodney bent to kiss her quickly and Jen blinked, a bit startled, and blushed, avoiding Siria's politely averted face.

"Oh, um, we got a communication from one of the leaders on Ladon's council. The Genii are having a trade dispute and asked he and Teyla to come mediate. It sounded, well um, just not that interesting so I volunteered to come for you instead." He smiled, puffing out his chest slightly, sure in his decision.

Jen smiled back and nodded slightly. "Oh. Okay. Good." She nodded again. "Thanks Rodney."

Siria had returned to the kitchen, gathering food for the morning meal and Rodney's attention quickly turned to the various meats and baked goods being spread on the long rustic wood table that separated the open space between the kitchen and living area.

"Don't mention it. Is that, um, Celkin meat?" He waggled a finger at the chunks of reddish meat on a circular tray and glanced at Siria. "It is, isn't it?"

Siria nodded, looking half bewildered and half amused. "Yes."

"Wonderful. This stuffs great, Jen. Something that's actually marginally chicken-like and just fantiastic with this white cheese that comes from the same animal. May I?"

Again, Siria nodded, and watched as Rodney made himself comfortable at the table and began fixing himself a plate.

Jennifer tugged on her uniform jacket and returned to the couch to fold up the mystery blanket. She finished and turned at the sound of Siria's voice.

"This is for you," the young woman held out a tray with three mugs of steaming liquid. "It will warm you until I get the fire started again."

Jennifer wrapped her hands around the mug and shivered as she tried to coax the warmth through her fingers and into the rest of her body. Siria placed the tray on the small table in front of the sofa and went to the fireplace.

"I hope you were warm enough last night. This room gets much cooler than the sleeping rooms. I fell asleep yesterday afternoon and didn't wake again until early this morning. I feel ashamed, I should have offered you my bed." Siria glanced at her, looking remorseful and Jen shook her head.

"Oh no, I was fine." She looked at the blanket again, now folded and sitting at one end of the sofa. "Did you...?"

Siria followed her haze and smiled secretively. "No. I did not." She turned back to the fire, pausing to blow softly against the coals until a small flame began to flicker.

Jen's eyes drifted to the door she'd watched Ronon disappear into the night before. It had gotten several degrees colder overnight. She wondered what time it must have been when he got up. How deeply must she have been sleeping for him to enter the room and cover her with the blanket. Not just cover her.

Tuck her in. Make sure she was warm enough. Make sure she would be comfortable. Even now, after everything between them and all he was going through.

He'd thought of her.

Jen shivered again.

"He cares for you."

Her eyes snapped over to Siria's but she was looking across the room at Rodney, where he was finishing off his meal with a large glass of water. His eyes met hers over the rim of his glass and he smiled. Jen smiled back.

"Yes." She nodded. "I think he does."

She returned her gaze to Siria's to find the young woman regarding her with dark eyes that held a shadow of the steady clarity she'd been subjected to so much recently from Camaiya. And she was left wondering if the girl had even been referring to Rodney at all.

"I should bring these to Cam and Ronon." Siria moved to stand and Jen realized if she did she'd be left alone with Rodney. With the questions and uncertainty that she suddenly felt settling between them.

Unwilling to face that idea just yet, she found herself leaping to her feet as well.

"Oh, let me!" She placed her own mug aside quickly. "I need to check on Cam anyway."

The other woman hesitated and then nodded. "Thank you."

Jen blanced the tray in one hand and knocked, receiving an invitation before she entered the bedroom. The small room was much warmer than the outer great room, just as Siria had said. On the floor at the foot of the bed she saw a pillow and rumpled blanket, and she knew where Ronon had spent the night.

Looking toward the bed, Jen was surprised to find Camaiya was already up, looking quite a bit stronger than she had the day before. Her hair had been let down from her bun and hung in shiny silver strands down her back. She sat in the chair beside the bed, with Ronon standing behind her, hairbrush in hand, giving the back of his mother's head a concentrated look.

"Good morning Dr. Keller." Camiaya smiled. "Ah, my tea. Thank you." She reached for one of the stone mugs, but she couldn't quite reach it.

Jennifer had stopped just inside the door and was staring openly as Ronon gently, but confidently, ran the brush through his mother's thick locks, carefully detangling the ends before drawing the brush through the length of the grey locks in one smooth motion. Once satisfied that he'd brushed the knots out, he jammed the brush into his back pocket and began carefully separating the hair into equal sized clumps, deftly twisting an impossibly intricate looking braid into shape.

Camaiya raised an eyebrow at the frozen doctor.

"Dr. Keller?"

Upon hearing her name Jen blinked and blushed. "Sorry." She bent over and Cam took a mug, eyeing the younger woman thoughtfully. She hid a smile behind a sip of her tea as Ronon continued his work, obvious to the attention, and Jen sat on the bed near the older woman, trying not to look as if she was still staring.

"Ronon is quite accomplished at some of the more rudimentary Satedan hairstyles." Camaiya explained. "When I went back to work after Katrai died, he was an invaluable help in helping get his younger sisters dressed and out the door for Lessons."

The corner's of Ronon's eyes crinkled when he smiled. "You wiggle a lot less than they ever did."

Camaiya laughed, sipping her tea again. "Oh I know. They would make quite a fuss. Although much of it was for show. I think they enjoyed frustrating you, little one."

Ronon snorted, sticking a few small hairpins in his mouth as he twisted the locks together and up on top of his mother's head. "I know they did." He muttered, pulling the pins out one at a time and fastening her hair into a style very similar to the one she'd been wearing the day before.

Jen was staring openly again. Listening carefully to the family banter, feeling at once warm and welcome and slightly intrusive. Like watching someone else's family traditions from another room.

She also wondered what the complex hairstyles on Sateda were like if this was considered rudimentary.

Satisfied with his work, and no longer able to avoid it, Ronon lifted his gaze to Jennifer's. She swallowed, holding it, forcing herself to take the full brunt of his intense gaze.

Though she felt suddenly warm, she shivered again.

Silently, Ronon reached for the last remaining mug of tea, still sitting on the tray Jennifer held in her lap.

"Um...how did you, um, sleep?" Jen tore her eyes off of Ronon and looked at Camiaya.

Her green eye seemed to be smiling at a private joke when she responded smoothly. "I slept well, thank you. You?"

"Don't beleive her. She woke up every hour." Ronon's rumble cut in and he sat on the bed beside Jennifer, giving his mother a look. "I think she was in pain."

Jen tried not to notice the heat radiating off of him as she spoke.

"You were in pain?" She repeated. Camaiya sent Ronon a dark look and waved off the concern in Jen's voice.

"It is nothing. When you are old, pain is a constant companion."

Jen swallowed, standing up if only to put some distance between herself and Ronon.

"That may be but I still have something I can give you that will make you more comfortable."

"That's very kind of you but-"

"Mother." Ronon warned.

"But I do not need anything. Thank you." Camaiya continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"It's nothing that will make you feel any differently. It won't put you to sleep. It's just a mild pain reliever." Jennifer glanced at Ronon, who was still glaring lightly at his mother. "I could give them to you just in case you change your mind."

"If you insist." Camaiya sighed. She stood from her chair, looking for all the world like a woman who'd never known sickness in her life, and followed Jen to the door, Ronon in tow.

In the main room, Ronon moved to one side and leaned against the wall, sipping his tea and content to let the others carry on without him. He was used to watching quietly from the sidelines. As a Runner, he'd often scouted planets and villages before entering and seeking any kind of assistance. And before that, he'd often spent time at gatherings of his peers by standing in the shadows and watching the other kids interact.

Watching silently, he'd found was one of the best ways to gather information. It was one of the reasons he was so good at reading facial expressions and body language. One of the reasons he'd been chosen to join the elite Specialist rank when he joined the Satedan Army. He was a born watcher.

Ronon watched quietly as Jen explained the pain relievers to her and Siria. He watched, amused as always, when Rodney packed the small cloth Siria gave him with food to take back to Atlantis. He watched with concern when Cam tried her best not to look like the short trek from her room to the kitchen hadn't taken all her energy and as if she was sitting just to get a different view of the room.

And he watched with quite a bit of interest when Jennifer and Rodney bid the trio a farewell and Rodney placed his hand at the small of Jen's back to guide her gently toward the door. Watched the way Jen stiffened imperceptibly and her eyes shot over to his. Watched with a narrowed gaze when she stepped out of Rodney's reach and then sent him an apologetic smile when the man's pale eyebrows knitted together slightly at the move.

He watched them leave, questions and caution floating in his mind, but he kept a careful reign on the hope that tried to bubble up and stamped down the small bit of elation with great predjudice. Elation, joy, he didn't have a right to. Not yet. For all Rodney was he was still his teammate and a friend. Still someone he wanted the best for.

But hope...hope was different.

Hope was his still and, it appeared, hope was not yet lost.

_TBC_


	7. Chapter 7

"Do you have someone in mind for that?" Ronon asked quietly, indicating the small silver ring Siria was turning over and over in her hands.

They were sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying something of a change of scenery after so many days in Cam's room. The woman herself was dozing on the sofa in front of a fire, cold despite the warm temperature outside. Neither Siria nor Ronon complained about the heat in the room.

Siria gazed down at the small object. "Yes. My betrothed lives on Manicore."

"He Satedan too?"

Siria nodded, a small sad smile on her face. "Cam approves of him. I had wanted her to perform our Rite of Union but…" She trailed off.

Ronon just nodded, putting his hand out toward her and she slowly laid the ring in his palm. He recognized it of course. It had been his fathers.

"If you, um, want it. I understand. It's yours by tradition." She said quietly but sincerely. She sat straight beside him, practiced and poised, clear dark eyes staring steadily at him. She reminded him of Fairan. She reminded him of Teyla.

Ronon shook his head, placing the ring back in her hand. "She gave it to you. It's yours." He paused and then caught her gaze. "You're as much her daughter as I am her son."

Siria bit her lip and looked down at her hands again, trying to hide tears that sprang to her eyes.

"Thank you."

Ronon shifted slightly, glancing over toward the sofa when Camaiya shifted in her sleep.

"She must have been glad when you told her you were taking the old vows." Ronon said, changing the subject.

Siria smiled. "Not as much as you might think. I think she worries about me. She's been alone a long time."

Ronon snorted. "We argued for years over why she wouldn't allow another man to court her. Always refused. So when Melena and I were married without the vows I thought she'd approve." He shook his head at the memory, the only mar on an otherwise perfectly wonderful wedding day. "She was not."

Siria nodded. "She is a complex woman."

"_She_ can hear you."

Ronon and Siria both looked up but Cam's eyes were still closed, but a tell tale smile was creeping across her lips.

Ronon dipped his head toward the girl beside him and stage whispered, "Excellent hearing too."

Siria laughed lightly and they both got up, moving to join Cam in the living space as she sat up and fussed at the hair that had fallen out of her bun.

"What were you two whispering about over there?" Cam asked, raising an eyebrow at them both.

Ronon grinned. "I thought you could hear us?"

Cam sighed, shaking her head and then gestured toward a box on top of the mantle. "Siria, will you give that to me?"

Ronon watched Siria retrieve the small brown box, he didn't recognize it but did recognize a few Satedan symbols inscribed in the wood. His mother rummaged around in it for a moment before beckoning him to come sit beside her.

"For the next time." She said, holding out a small leather pouch to him. "Because I have no doubt there will be a next time for you."

Ronon gave her a confused look, then glanced at Siria. The younger woman's face revealed nothing so he pulled on the drawstring of the pouch and turned it over, causing a small red jewel on a leather cord to fall into his palm. It was the necklace she'd been wearing the day he found her.

Her Promise Jewel. The one his father gave her when they were to be wed.

"Mai," Ronon croaked, knowing there was only one reason she could be giving this to him. She didn't think she would be around much longer to wear it. "I-I don't…"

"Shh, little one," Cam folded his fingers over the jewel and then wrapped her hands around his. "I do."

He looked at her then. There was no fear, no sorrow in her green eyes. So sadness in the laugh lines around in her skin. She was smiling, some bravado in the gesture, but also genuine acceptance. Peace. He made a point of returning her look with as much strength as he could muster. When the darkness followed, which he knew inevitably it would, he would try to tell himself he was happy they'd had the chance to have this moment.

He hoped he would believe it.

"I do." She repeated, nodding.

Ronon heard Siria sniffing over his mothers shoulder and forced a deep breath.

"I love you, Mai."

Camaiya reached up and cupped Ronon's cheek again. The gesture was so familiar, so tender, it brought back a rush of childhood memories that broke his heart and he had to swallow hard to keep his composure.

"I love you too, Little One."

SGASGASGA

Jen carefully pushed the door to the small house open when her fifth knock still did not bring an answer and she found it wasn't locked.

"Ronon?" She called out, eyes traveling over the great room. It was tidy but unlit and clearly empty. She dropped her medical kit by the door and strained to hear any movement that might indicate occupancy.

"Siria? Camiaya?" She tried. Entering the room further she found everything in the kitchen carefully put away and the fireplace dark and cold.

"Anybody?" She walked to Cam's door and knocked. When there was no answer she pushed the door open and was startled at what she saw.

The bed was neatly made and empty. Around the room the few personal effects Jen had observed in her previous visit had been cleared away. It was as if no one had been there at all.

Her gut twisted as she realized what the empty house meant. As quickly as the sadness of Camaiya's loss washed over her, it began to be pushed aside by confusion and then worry.

Where was Ronon?

Frowning, Jen peeked into the other bedroom, but found it in a similar state to the first.

"Ronon?" She tried again in the great room, this time louder. But there was no answer.

After a little bit of arguing with herself and checking the rooms once more, Jen picked up her bag by the door and stepped out into the alley, closing the door behind her.

As she made her way back to the gate, she tried to tell herself the cold pit in her stomach was from grief over Camaiya and not getting a chance to say a proper goodbye. Or perhaps an appropriate colleague level of concern for Ronon's whereabouts.

But, since she was alone, and had a twenty minute walk back to the gate, she allowed a little bit of truth to creep into her mind.

She'd only ever felt this way when SGA1 missed check in after disappearing through the gate on an ill-advised mission to some Wraith infested outpost.

And this time he was alone.

He didn't have Sheppard and Teyla and Rodney backing him up.

_Rodney. _

The thought of the man's face round and red and uncertain, except when he was absolutely certain, bloomed in her mind's eye. Boyish and immature, but also dazzlingly brilliant. Jen had been so secure in her choice. Rodney was safe. He made sense. He was like her. Brilliant beyond his years and shaped by a lifetime of being a genius outcast.

They were the same.

And Rodney really had needed her. After Katie, he'd been so consumed by work he was sometimes a danger to himself. And while he was unrivaled in the respect he commanded from the rest of the expedition, he didn't have many friends. Aside from SGA1 there were very few people the scientist felt comfortable with, even fewer he called friend.

_I hope you need him as much as he needs you. _

Ronon's words echoed in her head. The side of her face tingled where his fingers had brushed her cheek when he pushed her hair behind her ear.

Jen bit her lip as she approached the DHD and dialed Atlantis.

Rodney had needed her then. Maybe needed her still.

But she realized, as she stepped through the puddle, that might not be enough anymore.

SGASGASGA

John was restless with worry. Standing and sitting in turn, angry and red faced as he argued against things Woolsey wasn't quite saying.

"I've had this conversation before and if you think I'm any less inclined to scour the galaxy for a member of team now than I was three years ago or even last year then you've got another thing coming."

"Colonel if you would-" Woolsey tried, seated behind his desk.

"John I believe-" Teyla attempted to lay a calming hand on John's arm when his pacing brought him in front of her chair but he kept moving, sliding easily out of her grasp.

"And I'll tell you something else Woolsey I honestly can't believe the IOA would want me to let one of my best friends just rot out there and do nothing when he has never once hesitated to stand at my side when I needed him." John continued, not hearing either of them.

"Colonel please I just-"

"Not to mention the number of times he's saved their asses. Between helping stop replicator plots to take over Atlantis and stopping a wraith invasion of Earth not once, but twice! He's not even from Earth but he didn't hesitate to do what needed to be done. And they would have me leave him out there alone when he needs us most?" John jammed a finger down in the middle of Woolsey's desk, eyes black with rage. "Even the IOA wouldn't be that cruel." He finished in a low voice, his gaze boring into the seated man.

Richard exhaled and pursed his lips, not willing to admit out loud that he felt as betrayed by the IOA's directive as John did. As soon as Jennifer returned from the planet and told them that it appeared Ronon's mother had succumbed to her illness and Ronon was nowhere to be found, he'd immediately reached out to his contacts at the SGC to get the approval rolling for a mission to locate the Satedan.

The denial had come through before John had even come barreling into his office, demanding to lead his team off world.

Woolsey was then saved from having to answer and bear the rest of the Colonel's temper by Teyla who stood, putting a hand on the man's shoulder.

"John." Teyla said in that tone that always seemed to drain a little bit of tension from the young Colonel. "I know how you feel."

John's shoulders dropped slightly, but he didn't pull his eyes off of Woolsey.

"He needs us, Teyla." He said quietly, looking at Woolsey but speaking only to her.

She nodded. "And we will be here for him when he returns." She tugged on John's shoulder again and he relented, breaking eye contact and straightening, though the action seemed to cost him.

He dropped his eyes to the floor and Teyla took the opportunity to put her other hand on his opposite shoulder and turn him toward her.

"Ronon must be allowed to grieve in his own way." She continued. "But when he is ready, he will come back to Atlantis. When he does, we will be here for him."

Slowly, John raised his eyes to hers and, taking comfort in her certainty, he nodded.

"Alright. We'll give him some time to come back on his own. But if he doesn't then we're going to go find him ourselves." He turned to look at Woolsey. "And I won't be asking the IOA for permission."

With that John turned on his heel and strode out of Woolsey's office in a few quick staccato steps fueled by worry and anger that didn't have an outlet. Before turning to follow Teyla looked at Woolsey.

"Thank you for your assistance, Ms. Emmagen."

"It was the truth." Teyla glanced toward the stairs where John was descending and parting marines in his path with a look. "I believe Ronon will return soon."

"I hope you're right." Woolsey folded his hands on top of his desk. "For all our sakes."

_TBC_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Sorry for the delay. One more chapter after this. - punk**_

* * *

Jennifer had this neurotic tendency ever since she was very young of repeating a conversation in her head for hours after having it, if only to torture herself with 'what if's and 'could have been' and what she should or shouldn't have said.

It was an old habit and not easily broken.

"_Rodney, we need to talk_."

She almost winced at the memory as the words echoed in her head and she stared down at the paperwork she as in the middle of rereading for the third time. She couldn't keep her mind on it to save her life.

"_I know. It's okay, Jennifer."_

For as surprised as Jennifer had been when she realized 'gracious' could apply to Ronon, she'd been just as surprised to apply the word to Rodney.

"_You do? What...what do you know?"_

He'd been warm. Thoughtful. He'd taken her hands in his and smiled this small, sincere smile that she didn't think she'd ever seen on him before.

"_It's him you want. It was always him." _

He was perceptive. More than she gave him credit for. He'd seen all along what Jen herself had only recently come to understand. But, he'd admitted, somewhat ruefully, he'd hoped he could change her mind.

Until, he'd realized one day, he didn't really want to.

"_Just like for me, it was always her."_

Jen smiled as she nodded down at her messy desktop. He'd surprised her. Why was she still surprised when the people around her showed their depth and breadth of character? She'd never understood people. It was why she'd gone into science and then, later, medicine. She was convinced it was the only way she'd ever learn to understand human complexity.

From the inside out.

"_Her?...You mean Katie? It's Katie, isn't it?"_

Yes, it turned out. It was Katie. For Rodney, it had always been Katie. Just like for Jennifer, it had always been Ronon.

Would always be.

Before Jennifer could work herself up again over the fact that it had been three weeks since Ronon's disappearance from MX9-P73, the very reason she'd come to her office to bury herself in paperwork in the first place, Jen was distracted by commotion out in the infirmary.

She confirmed the late hour with a quick glance at her watch and rose from the desk, making her way out into the previously sleepy middle-of-the-night infirmary.

Her stomach fluttered and her steps faltered just once when she saw the reason for the sudden commotion.

There, on the bed nearest the door, facing away from her and slumped in such a way that could only indicate at least one fairly severe rib injury, was Ronon's hulking form. She approached silently from behind as one of the nurses gathered supplies, fussing over him and peppering him with questions that he made no move to answer.

Jen watched from the side, just outside his peripheral vision, unable get herself to move any closer at first. The waves of emotion washing over her were overwhelming. Relief that he as back. Worry over where he'd been. And a deep, staggering, white hot desire to touch and hold and comfort and protect him.

To distract herself from the onslaught, she turned to the details of the moment and challenged herself to catalogue his injuries from across the room. He wore a sleeveless tunic that was stained with spots of blood of various age. His hair was down, dragging over his shoulders and hiding his face, but she could still make out an ugly dark bruise along his jaw. She didn't need to see the needles and thread on the nurse's treatment cart to know he would need stitches for some of the lacerations on his arms and hands.

The infirmary doors slid open and Jen heard John, Teyla and Rodney before she saw them. She used the distraction of their entrance and barrage of questions as cover whens she stepped forward and took over for and excused the nurse. When she did Ronon's eyes snapped over to her in a way that made it impossible to think he hadn't known she was there the entire time.

He watched her silently as she cleaned the wounds on his face and arms, she studiously avoiding his gaze as John stumbled through a greeting that was half demand for information and half stuttering words of relief.

"All I'm saying is woud it have killed you to drop us a message or something? Dial in and let us know you were okay?" John insisted, hands on his hips, watching Jen stitch a laceration on Ronon's arm so he could pretend that was why he sounded concerned and a little unsteady.

Teyla made no such attempt to hide her emotions, grinning widely at the Satedan even as she sent a semi-exasperated sidelong glance at John.

"I believe what he means is we missed you and we are glad you are back safe." Teyla took the opening Jen left when she stepped to one side to be at a better angle to apply butterfly bandages to Ronon's ribs and probe their movement, ensuring herself they were not broken. The Athosian placed both hands lightly on each of Ronon's wide shoulders and bent her forehead forward, Ronon half-heartedly returning the gesture.

"I mean, yeah," John nodded, waving vaguely between Teyla and Ronon when she stepped back. "That too. But I'm looking forward to putting your back on the mat a few times when you're cleared to spar for the trouble you've caused me these past three weeks." John paused, waiting for Ronon's predictable retort of being "welcome to try". But it never came. John pursed his lips, frowning lightly when the Satedan just continued to stare at him flatly.

"Okay." Ronon said finally, when it seemed John wasn't going to leave until he responded.

John nodded slightly and then looked at Jennifer. "Doc?"

Jen pulled the stethoscope out of her ears and straightened from being bent over to listen to Ronon's back.

"Doesn't look like you did any serious damage," she said, ordering her stomach to stop fluttering, trying to convince herself she was just happy he was okay. "I think a few days rest and he should be okay to spar by the end of the week. I'll want to see you once more next week before I clear you for off-world missions."

Ronon just nodded and hopped off the bed, making for the door when Rodney suddenly jumped in front of him.

"It's good to have you back. We were...well they were...it's just um..." He swallowed, glancing away from Ronon's stoney face to look at John, then Jen, then back at Ronon. 'We're um still..friends. Right?" He said quietly.

Without turning his head, Ronon's eyes slid over to steal a glance through his dreads at Jennifer, who was unknowingly twisting her listening device in her hands.

He looked back at the scientist and nodded just once. "Yeah."

SGASGASGA

When Jennifer found herself at Teyla's quarters several days later she didn't give herself any extra time to overthink what had brought her there and immediatly swiped her hand over the door chime.

Teyla appeared at the opened door in only a few seconds, dressed for the gym.

"Jennifer." The woman said, clearly surprised but smiled pleasantly, "Please come in."

"Sorry to barge in," Jen muttered, doing as she was asked. She spied the Teyla's bag on the bed. "You were leaving?"

Teyla nodded. "I agreed to meet John for sparring this afternoon. He is always restless when we go many weeks between going off world. This time it has been nearly a month and a half." She finished in a tone that said the exuberant young Colonel's constant need for entertainment was beginning to try even her well practiced patience.

Jennifer smiled and nodded. "It won't be much longer now. Ronon was medically cleared for duty a few days ago."

Teyla seemed pleased by this information and quietly moved around gathering the other things she needed for her afternoon, knowing Jennifer must have come to her for a reason and willing to wait until the woman decided for herself she was ready to share it.

"How um, speaking of Ronon," Jennifer said, clearing her throat in an attempt to sound more casual than she felt, "How has he been?"

Teyla looked surprised. "Would you not be more equipped to answer that question than me?"

Jen bobbled her head. "Physically maybe, but you and John and Rodney have spent more time with him than anyone since he's been back. How do you think he is doing?"

Teyla sighed and sunk onto the bed and Jennifer watched her thoughtfully. She hadn't been exaggerating. SGA1 had a tendency to close ranks whenever one of them was injured, taking turns in bedside vigils or accompanying the injured companion for walks or meals throughout their recovery as if by a prearranged design. Ronon hadn't left Atlantis in the week and a half that he'd been back and she knew he'd scarcely spent any time alone outside his quarters, always accompanied by one or more of his teammates. It had made Jennifer feel comforted and jealous at the same time to know they were with him and know it wasn't her place to ask to be a part of it.

Still, the injuries were usually physical and quick to heal. This time, she thought, perhaps they could use a little backup.

Teyla sighed. "It will take time. I do not believe he has ever dealt with this loss before." She felt Jennifer turn to look at her and continued, by now well practiced in explaining things to the Earthers that Pegasus natives often understood by instinct. "When he was taken by the Wraith and made a Runner, they didn't just take his life from him. They took his opportunity to grieve. He lost his planet, his home, his wife and family...and for seven years had not a spare moment to think about it or accept it. When he came to Atlantis, so much time had passed the wounds were no longer raw." She stood, turning distractedly to zip up her bag, wanting to do something with her hands. "Finding his mother and then losing her so quickly afterward...I wonder if he is now grieving not her loss only."

"I can't imagine." Jennifer whispered. She had lost her own mother years before and knew that kind of pain to be nearly insurmountable. But to have lost what Ronon had...she truly didn't know how he'd found the strength to go on as long as he had.

_Strong_. This word was not a new one. Jennifer had always thought of Ronon as strong.

Jennifer stood when Teyla did and followed her to the door. When they swished open Teyla paused.

"My appointment with the Colonel may run long this afternoon," She turned to Jennifer with a sweet look that the other woman would have been suspicious of had she known Teyla just a little bit better. "I wonder if you would do me a favor?"

"Sure," Jen nodded.

"Perhaps you could go spend sometime with Ronon for me? I believe he may be tired of seeing our faces."

"Oh." Jen bit her lip, and nodded,

Teyla smiled. "Thank you, I will owe you a favor for this."

Jen watched Teyla walk away, still slightly astonished everytime Teyla turned out to be even more perceptive than people were already inclined to give her credit for. She turned in the opposite direction for the transporter, sure that, contrary to Teyla's words, it would be Jennifer herself that ended up oweing the favor.

_TBC_


	9. Chapter 9

For the second time in the same hour, Jennifer found herself standing outside quarters that were not her own. This time she did hesitate before she swiped her hand across the door chime. And when she finally talked herself into doing it, there was no response.

Jennifer frowned. She knew she had the right quarters. She also knew Teyla and John were not with Ronon at the moment. Had he gotten away by himself? Was he perhaps asleep and she was disturbing him?

Maybe this was all a huge mistake.

"He's not there."

Jennifer swung around, her breath catching in her throat, she already recognized the voice.

"Oh, Rodney, hi," Jen stammered, wondering if he would see right through her if she pretended to have been walking down the hall and not loitering outside Ronon's room.

"He doesn't usually stay in his quarters much when he's in a mood," Rodney kept talking as if he was neither surprised to find her there nor much bothered by it. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the West Pier. "Theres a place out by the water that he, uh, likes. You know, a bit better."

"Oh." Jennifer nodded, glancing at the door and shifting her weight. Her cheeks grew hot as Rodney came to stand directly in front of her. The awkwardness of standing in front of the doors to Ronon's room together was not lost on either.

"Rodney, I'm sorry..." She said finally, gesturing toward Ronon's door. "This is...I didn't mean..."

"Don't be." Rodney cut her off, his face red but smiling. "We agreed, remember?"

"Yeah. I know. I just..."

"Thank you." Rodney interrupted again.

Jen looked up, confused. He was wearing one of those soft smiles she'd seen so rarely but enjoyed so much. "For what?"

"For being worried about...hurting me. You're always worried about everyone else. It's...one of the things I've always loved about you." He cleared his throat and glanced away from her at this admission. His smile turned self-deprecating. "I'm not like that."

Jennifer bit her lip, touched to her core at hearing such openly affectionate words from the man. She clenched her hands to keep from reaching out to him, still worried that doing so might do more harm than good.

"Oh Rodney." She sighed.

Rodney brought his eyes back to hers with some effort and nodded, assuring himself of his decision. "That's why he'll be good for you. He'll always think of you before anyone else."

"You don't give yourself enough credit Rodney."

This time his smile was tempered with genuine mirth, shaking his head, imagining what Sheppard would say if he heard her say that.

"Oh trust me, I do."

Jen smiled and shook her head. The silence descended again and this time Jen couldn't help herself. She leaned forward and, grasping one of his hands, she pressed a brief kiss to his cheek. She leaned back and bit her lip.

"I think there is a part of me that will always love you Rodney."

Rodney smiled, nodding. "Me too. Now go before I change my mind."

Jen gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Thank you." She let go and ran off in the direction he'd indicated.

SGASGASGA

She found him on one of the lower platforms at the bottom of a long, ornate staircase. The platform was narrow, and true to Ancient design, there was no railing seperating them from the 50 foot drop to the sea below. Ronon sat on the ground under a small overhang that looked to be shelter for a small powered down workstation beside him.

"How did you know it was me?" Jen smiled when Ronon addressed her by name without opening his eyes.

"Your footsteps." Ronon said, his eyes still closed and legs stretched out before him and crossed at the ankles. The city glowed behind them and the ocean crashed continuously against the escarpment below. He leaned back against the wall that towered over them several stories above where the more trafficked part of the West Pier lay.

"Sheppard wears those heavy boots." He continued, "Rodney is usually talking to himself. And Teyla wouldn't stand there staring at me wondering if she should have come at all." He opened his eyes and smiled slightly to soften the teasing in his words.

_Perceptive_, Jen thought, adding it to the list of things she never thought to associate with Ronon, a_nd funny_.

Jen smiled and pointed at the empty spot beside him. "May I?"

Ronon angled his head in answer and waited silently as Jennifer sat down and got comfortable.

Jen sat a moment, hands clasped loosly around her knees while listening to the waves crash into the city.

"You were gone a long time." She said finally.

Ronon didn't answer except to shift his weight, uncrossing and recrossing his ankles.

"Where did you go?" She tried again, this time hoping a direct question would draw a direct answer.

It did, but it was slow in coming.

"I escorted Siria to the planet where her betrothed lived." He rumbled, barely audible over the waves.

Jennifer nodded and then, after a beat, "So you stayed with them?" Jennifer doubted this to have been the case, he was unlikely to have acquired the injuries he had sustained if he had returned from some farming planet.

"No." Ronon responded simply. "I just...wasn't ready to come back yet."

Jen nodded. "I know Atlantis can feel a little claustrophobic sometimes. Especially to you. I'm sure it was nice to get some fresh air."

Ronon almost smiled. Fresh air. If only that had been what he was searching for. That would have been less painful to find. But then again, the pain had been what he'd wanted, what he'd needed at the time.

But how could he explain that to her? How would she ever be able to understand?

He'd been searching out pain and she made it her life's work to cure it.

"No." He said again, "it wasn't that." He didn't try to explain any further, afraid of what she would think of him if he did.

Jennifer turned to look at him, searching his face for longer than she'd ever allowed herself before. The shadows that crossed his face despite the light around them. The sharp planes of his jaw and cheekbones that held pain and greif and dark eyes that had seen so much more than he deserved.

"You went looking for a fight." She said finally. Ronon's eyes snapped up to hers, surprised.

Jen almost smiled. "Don't look so shocked. I've been stitching you up for a while now. I've only seen you that messed up after going a few rounds with a Wraith or two."

Ronon's eyes danced across her face for a few moments and he almost looked like he would say something, but eventually he turned away again and the impassiveness fell back across his face.

She sighed. Jen turned back toward the ocean but her gaze fell to her shoes.

"My mother died a few years ago." She said quietly, studying the neat double knot in her laces. She heard Ronon turn to look at her as she continued. "I was trainging for my first marathon at the time. I...I remember I didn't even cry at first. I would just step outside and go running. For hours and hours and hours. Sometimes I couldn't sleep and I would run all night. I wouldn't stop until I literally fell down because I couldn't put one foot in front of the other anymore."

Jen dropped her head back against the wall, sighing at the memory. Ronon blinked at her slowly entranced by the heartbreak in her tone. It was...familiar.

"My dad told me I would kill myself if I didn't stop." She swallowed, remembering her fathers tired, desperate voice when he confronted her about it. The memory of the way his voice cracked when he told her he couldn't bear to lose her too made tears spring to her eyes as if hearing it for the first time.

"I...don't know what I was doing. I told myself I was training but..." She shook her head, and unlocked her hands from around her knees, rubbing the sweaty palms on her pants. "There was just something about that pain...it was so...deep. It felt insurmountable. Somehow the pain of overtired, aching muscles was easier to take."

Ronon watched her gnaw on her lip nervously as she stared out at the ocean but he doubted she saw it.

Jennifer Keller had surprised him again. She'd surprised him with her strength of character by becoming CMO when he'd been sure she wouldn't last two weeks on Atlantis. Over time she'd surprised him again and again with her ability to fit in with the rest of them, to outsmart diseases no one else could and now...to understand a pain he'd been sure he would forever suffer alone.

He started speaking before he even realized he'd decided to open his mouth.

"It was a wraith lab." He turned his head away at the same time Jen turned toward him. "After I brought Siria to Maniracore I...just ended up there. On this wraith planet. I don't even remember dialing." He drummed his fingers on his thigh and Jennifer held her breath, listening in earnest to the most words she'd ever heard Ronon string together at once.

"I barely made it out alive but..." _I could breathe again. I could sleep again_. Though he guessed silently that Jen would not consider passing out from a probable head injury was the same as sleeping. He sighed, choosing not to voice those thoughts. "Every time I went back..."

"You went back?" Jen exclaimed before she could stop herself.

Ronon winced. "Yeah." He nodded. He knew it was stupid. Reckless. Dangerous. If he'd told John the man would have been inconsolable with rage and possibly have grounded him to the base forever.

He shook his head and said as much.

"Maybe," Jen sighed. She relaxed a little and the shift brought their shoulders in contact. "But the Colonel hasn't always been the poster boy for healthy coping skills either so...maybe he would understand."

"Maybe." Ronon agreed quietly, allowing himself to be slightly distracted by her warmth and nearness.

A few moments passed in the silence of the crashing waves.

"Why did you decide to come back?"

Ronon opened his palm to reveal a small jewel on a leather cord in his hand. He held it up and Jen took it. It was a multi-faceted teardrop shape, a bit smaller than a well balanced skipping rock and colored a deep, rich red.

"It's beautiful." She smiled, handing it back. "What is it?" She asked, knowing it had to be significant by the reverent look in Ronon's eyes.

"A promise of the future." He said simply. "My mother gave it to me because she believed I had one. I realized if I kept going the way I was I wouldn't live to see it. The next address I dialed was Atlantis."

"I'm glad you did."

Ronon paused wondering at the softness in her tone and turned to look at her, a question in his eyes, but he couldn't quite make it pass his lips. The wind had whipped a few peices of hair out of her ponytail and they danced near her cheeks and ears. Jen stared back, entranced for just a moment by the intensity of his attention. But no longer intimidated.

Sitting as close as they were already, she could feel his breath on her face and was certain he could hear her heart in her chest.

For as much as she wasn't afraid of him, she found she also couldn't sit still.

Standing quickly, Jen paced away toward the water's edge.

"Maybe this isn't the right time," she said finally. Then, she smiled. "But it's never stopped me before."

A smile whispered across Ronon's face and he waited, watching her twist her hands when she turned back around to face him.

"You were right. About everything. About me and Rodney. I didn't need him..." she bit her lip. "But...I need you." She swallowed hard, wishing she could read just a little bit more of his stoic expression. "I...I don't think I've ever needed anyone the way I need you."

Ronon was quiet for several moments before he finally, slowly climbed to his feet and approached her. He put one hand on her hip and pushed one into her hair, cupping the back of her head. She held her breath and her eyes fell to his lips, assuming he would kiss her. She even wanted him to, and her heart began to triphammer in anticipation and panic.

Instead, he pulled her flush against him and dropped his face into her hair, inhaling deeply.

Jennifer melted against him, wrapping her arms around his back, relishing in his warmth and the steady beat of his heart, such a contrast to her own erratic one.

"It's good to be home," he rumbled, after a moment.

Jen smiled and nodded, almost happy for the change in topic after what amounted to baring her soul to a man she'd rarely had the courage to look in the eye.

"I bet. I imagine you've been enjoying being back in your own bed after the last couple weeks."

Ronon shook his head and then squeezed her once.

"No. Here. You." He sighed deeply and she felt him relaxing in her arms. "Home."

Jen's breath caught in her throat and tears sprang to her eyes at the emotion, the need, he could convey in a string of four words.

"Oh." Was all she managed in response.

Several hours later found them still out on the pier, huddled against one another in the shadow of the city at dawn. Jennifer sat wide awake as she had the whole night through, her mind buzzing and silent in turn. Ronon was half laying across her lap, his arms wrapped around her waist snoring softly.

_Home, _Jennifer thought with a smile. A new word to associate with Ronon. Her favorite word so far.

Ronon had been in the throes of a tragic ending, but with him in her arms asleep and warm and the sun rising over the endless ocean like it was the first time, Jennifer had never felt so sure that something new was beginning.

_END_


End file.
